Vanessa

To Whom it May Concern:

I am not sure where to begin, to get the magnitude of just how much DCM has  done for me…..

I  moved from Fourth and Hope Shelter to DCM on October 19th, 2014. I was in an emotionally wrecked space in my life and I  was barely existing. I had no clue who I was and I had given up hope and barely hanging on to faith … My self-worth and value were gone. Gratefully Becky seen something in me and became my Case Manager. I was stuck in a rut, I had no idea where my oldest daughter was, she is disabled, Spina Bifida Mylomenengyci l. Every time I met with Becky we would look for her on all the social media sites and everywhere else we could think of. I felt like I was progressing a step at a time and as the staff believed in me and were understanding and encouraging me to be ok in my own skin.  I felt a part of a family security and accepted.

On December 16th, 2014 I was at the bus stop by the court house in Woodland

and I got a call from the sheriff about my disabled daughter, I met him in the cross walk and asked him where she was. He said “She is dead”. I never ever thought I would hear those words. I was devastated. “Oh my god” is all that would come out of my mouth. “Oh my god” the Chaplin picked up and brought me home to DCM. I called for Inessa (Resource Center Coordinator) when I hit the front door. I cried out “She is dead, She is dead, oh my god” for a  few minutes. I seen Becky, I told her we were too late, she was dead. There isn’t any way I could have figured to do anything that could have changed the outcome. I felt like I destroyed my family …being weak. My Case Manager immediately signed me up for grief counseling. I didn’t want to be around anyone outside of DCM. I slept the first few days. It was the holidays and my oldest daughter was dead. It was the holidays and I felt guilty. I felt worthless an had it not been for DCM I am not sure I would still have my sobriety, would have been able to see my oldest son, have visits with my twin boys and my other daughter.

DCM gave me the courage to go to the memorial service.

DCM gave me the opportunity to do things around here that I found I actually have skills with like organization. DCM pushed me when I was becoming too comfortable even if Ididn’t feel like it was time!  I was afraid of relapsing; I was afraid of running but mostly afraid of goodbye. Each week meeting with my Case Manager she made me believe in myself. I was able to get to Martinez for my oldest son’s juvenile hearings. Becky scans letters for me to my son’s probation officer. The probation officer then sends them to my son’s therapist so I am able to communicate with him. All of the staff have been supportive hedges (keep me safe) and keep me mindful of my growth. I at times don’t see it, but I feel something inside, strength ….I am ok with myself and grateful for each staff member for their part in my healing.

Oh and the Director, Bill Pride, comes by different times and days and calls up my name, especially with the RC clients.  But, what I am grateful for is that the asked my thoughts of how much and where to put donations food. The fact that he asks me about my opinion is very important to me. Inessa and Becky will always be close in my heart, because they were there when it  was ripped out. They were there to help it heal and still to this day. I can’t begin to imagine where I would be if DCM wasn’t here. DCM was and is here for me. I am getting ok with me and learning to love me.

As of October 23rd, 2015 I am moving to Woodland to a live in caretaker job and I am not scared, I am not concerned about getting high. To be able to have visits with my kids and be able to spend the night together is so amazing..YEAH!!!!! I have for the first time in my life looked in a mirror and said “I love you” to myself. It wasn’t comfortable but it didn’t kill me either.